Ugly American # 13: I Am The Grape Lady

Before I get to relentlessly bitching about my relatively insignificant issues this week, I thought I’d give an update on Peter David, who actually has legitimate things to complain about but doesn’t. According to his blog, Mr. David is progressing so well that he’s being sent home a week early. The guy even went bowling (with a spotter) and scored an 87. These are good things!

This should not in any way dissuade you from heading over to Crazy 8 press and picking up some PAD novels. I just bought a print copy of Darkness of Light myself. It’s an epic fantasy adventure in the classic Peter David style, but I find myself anticipating the romantic bits between Karsen and Jepp more than I do the heavier, action plot elements. Which is weird. You know, about every four years I’m wired to lose my mind and engage in some hideously embarrassing romantic fiasco. And I’m getting close to due for that…please, please, Almighty, do not let this be the beginning of that shenanigans!

More to the point, there is also a “donate” button on David’s blog where you can give money directly to his recovery efforts via the Hero Initiative. I did that as well. If the guy has impacted your life, I urge you to consider doing that before you read another word of this.

So… with that out of the way… on to the complaining.

A couple of days ago I slipped and fell on some ice attempting to retrieve the mail. And this wasn’t the “Scooby-Doo” slipping for a half hour before awkwardly stumbling onto the pavement below. This was both legs coming straight out in front of me, parallel to the earth, as though I had just been sidewalk slammed by an invisible Godfather. (Ho Train not included) I fell relatively flat, every last ounce of breath left my body, and then my head smacked against the ground last. It was a good thing I was wearing my badass pea coat with the padded hood, because that served as having my aft shields at 12%. Without that, pretty sure I go “nighty night” in the 30 below zero wind chill for a bit, and all the king’s horses and all the kings men would have to figure out how to put that shit back together again.

As it was, I did not go strictly unconscious, but I was surprised to hear a throaty “HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!” sound cut across the sky, and realized after a moment that it was me doing that. And then I thought: “Oh, that’s why the Grape Lady made those stupid noises.” And then I thought: “Why can’t I see?” Well, it was because my glasses had skittered about six feet away from my body. After a few moments of kneeling on the ground trying to catch my breath, I got up and retrieved my glasses and then thought: “This happens to Robert Griffin III about a dozen times in a three hour period every Sunday…how the hell does he survive?” Granted, he has pads and a helmet on, but still. I have more respect for Robert Griffin, and he should have absolutely no respect for me.

I’m fine, of course, other than the fact that I can’t seem to collect my mail without injuring myself. I’m glad that I have a bruise the size and shape of Ohio on my ass right now. If you can’t successfully walk across the street and back, you’re either under the age of two or a giant asshole. And I aint that young any more.

So the next day I arrest a couple of upstanding young gals, and one of them has a pit bull puppy waiting in the car outside. She’s not yet 16 years old and already got a prior felony conviction and on parole, mind you. So she knows if she gets pinched, she’s likely headed off to juvie jail. I’m not sure it ever makes sense to bring your puppy to the store when it’s below zero outside, but if you’re planning a heist, it’s extra not-smart. Well, I may be the world’s greatest bastard, but I’m not going to let an innocent get frost bite because some other jackass is a klepto. So I brought the puppy into the store, and into my office. Naturally, it whizzed all over my carpet inside of three minutes.

I save you from the torments of the tundra, and that’s how you do me, you canine ingrate??? It’s unbelievable. And that’s how my week is going.

But you know what makes me feel better? Making money on comics, baby! I pitched some ideas to Rich Johnston for his Speculator Corner, and he went with all of them and added a couple. But you know I saved some good stuff for my Monsters, right? You bet your ass, I did. So let’s get to it.

Mind MGMT
This is an interesting little sci-fi high concept project from Matt Kindt. It almost cracked my Top 10 for the year, actually. The gist of it - a writer is intrigued by an event in which an entire flight suffers inexplicable amnesia. All except one passenger, the mysteriously disappeared Mr. Lyme. As Meru digs into her story, she stumbles deeper into the web of the Mind MGMT, a kind of government psionics program designed to create and exploit candidates capable of precognition, telepathy, and mass mind control. It’s done with subtlety and craft, but that’s not where the real juice is.

As Meru gets deeper, YOU get deeper into it as well. Because in the gutters of each issue, Kindt leaves little snippets of the Mind MGMT field guide. It gives you extra depth into the story, and after awhile…. it starts talking to you. I won’t ruin it any further than that. Kindt also turned the backs of the first six issues into a giant puzzle. Once cracked, you can take the secret code to Kindt’s web site and unlock some extra video content. I wasn’t strictly impressed with what I got out of that bit, but just the idea that a comic creator would create a little easter egg hunt adds to the anticipation of the experience. The book is a cut above in most areas.

That’s not what’s caused the recent explosion in back issue prices, though. I think we can safely blame that on the news that Ridley Scott is now attached to an upcoming film project with the property. He’s a big name, of course, and after watching Prometheus I would say singularly qualified to tackle this material. Soon as that nugget hit the wire…..boom!

Issue # 1 is trading for around $50 at the moment, and sellers are getting around $150 for the complete run-to-date of seven issues. There is also a 1:5 variant cover of the first issue by Gilbert Hernandez. I don’t have a solid read on what that might be trading for currently, but surely more than the regular version?

Next time you’re at the ol’ local comic shop, I would check the racks and bins for these issues. Print runs were pretty tiny, but I was able to get some Mind MGMT from two of my local shops. It seems like the kind of thing that Strange Adventures would have ordered in some quantity. Just sayin’.

Super Deep Sleeper: Vengeance # 1
This mostly ignored little gem from Joe Casey and Nick Dragotta features the first appearance of one Miss America Chavez. If you read last week’s column, you’ll recognize that name as one of the stars of the new Young Avengers book.

No telling what kind of role Chavez will actually play in this book, or how popular she’ll be. Hell, given the current market, I’m not sure that the book survives more than 8 issues!

Young Avengers does have a good deal of buzz, though, and new characters are a rarity in the modern age. It doesn’t happen very often, and when it does, good things can happen in the back issue market. It takes about $100 to obtain a nice copy of Batman Adventures # 12 with the first Harley Quinn, New X-Men # 128 will cost you $30-$50 for that original Fantomex appearance. And have you seen the prices on Hulk # 271 these days? That’s not even Rocket Raccoon’s first appearance! And if an early appearance of a talking raccoon can land you $50 or more, I don’t think an uptick of popularity for Miss America Chavez is impossible.

This one has all the makings of a classic speculator score. The book is invisible and has a microscopic print run. It’s got a first appearance of a character primed for a spotlight. And right now it’s going to be dirt cheap if you can find it. I would consider it a no-risk investment at the $4.00 cover price, and I bet you can scare up a copy for even less than that.

Happy Hunting!