The Ugly American Report: Alex + Ada + Ryan Lee!

Alex + Ada
Image Comics
Scripts: Jonathan Luna & Sarah Vaughn
Art: Jonathan Luna

This week I'm going to walk you through what's going on in the Image book Alex + Ada, and why I think it's worthy of your attention.

My interest in the book stemmed from two sources. A) I don't always love what the Luna brothers do, but it's always pleasantly off the beaten path. B) I like all stories about losers banging robots.

The only problem with the "losers banging robots" schtick is that it always follows the same track. These stories are dressed up like science fiction, what with the mechanical woman and all. By the way, it's almost always a hapless human dude set up with a stunning female robot, rarely the other way around. Conventional wisdom says that women are too "emotional" to go in for the robotic cool indifference. Personally, I think a look at sales figures on the Rabbit vibrator speaks otherwise. But I'm digressing. The point is, these usually end up not being science fiction stories at all, but folk tales about social skills, relationships, and "soul".

The guy in these stories always have an interested flesh-and-blood woman lurking around in the background, and the man is just too oblivious too notice. At first the man is reticent to invest anything in the robot, but the script writers give her some sympathetic puppy dog moments, and the easy sex is just too good to pass up.

Inevitably, the robot dame completely loses her shit and starts killing everybody, starting with the rival meat woman. Then the loser finally gets some balls, dispatches with the psycho roboto-gina, and hooks up with the real girl. He finally realizes at the end that while there are advantages to a woman you can spray off with a hose when finished, what you really need is a woman with heart. There are tons of these things out there, but my all-time favorite is the new-fangled Outer Limits episode "Valerie 23", with Bill Sadler.

Imagine my surprise to find that while Alex + Ada knows the "loser bangs a robot" rules well, it carves itself a deeper path, and one built with some actual science fiction.

Alexander Wahl is the loser in question. It just wouldn't be a Luna brothers production without a healthy dose of sexual frustration and social awkwardness. I'm no licensed psychiatrist, but I have the distinct impression that neither of the Lunas ended up as King of the Prom in high school. Plus, we can smell our own.

Alex has been without his ex-girlfriend Claire for seven months when the story picks up. One gets the feeling that it was her idea, not his. He's sad, he's lonely, and he's not quite ready to get back on the horse.

Enter Betty-White-style inappropriate grandmother. She's enjoying the benefits of her own Tanaka X5 droid, and decides to drop the $800,000 and buy a girl robot for Alex on his birthday.

This is all pretty standard, and the story even includes Isabel, the obligatory "interested real girl" lurking in the background. All of the expected pieces are there, but then Alex + Ada starts separating itself with deeper thinking and world building.

A lot of care has gone into the technology background of the Alex + Ada set. You've got two major rivals in Prime and Nexaware. Alex actually has Prime wired into his head. He can give his house commands, and it obeys. He has a litttle hoverbot named Otto that brings him his coffee and cooks. He can think at his shower and specify the temp he wants. If another individual is also wired with Prime, the two can share an entire conversation without moving their lips - the thoughts simply transfer seamlessly. Kinda cool. Kinda creepy.

Nexaware is not doing as well as prime, because about a year before the story begins, there was an issue with the P-011 artificial intelligence program. Thirty four people died in a robot killing spree, and now robotic sentience has been outlawed. People are still using robots for all sorts of purposes, but there's a tension in the air. One of the characters is military, and lost a leg in battle. He claims he would have lost a lot more than that without robotic assistance. So it's complex. I like complex.

The devil, as always, is in the details, and the Luna/Vaughn tandem seem to get them all right. The tech is post-modern, but it all feels right. Ada needs 4,000 calories a day to run stay "full". One of the characters wonders if she poops. This is the first thing I would have wondered as well. Alex doesn't answer. Nothing's 100% efficient, so I think she does poop. But then, as a founding member of Chronic Insomnia, I sort of have to think that.

Alex activates Ada by pressing and holding her ear lobe, and then she delivers the most wonderful instructional speech. It's spot-on corporate PR-speak, but with a warm twist. I don't want to ruin it for you with specific spoilers, but the rules cover the usual Asimov territory and a few items Asimov missed that make perfect sense. Whichever writer has their fingerprints on that opening salvo from Ada - bravo!

It feels like Luna and Vaughn have carefully considered most everything about artificial intelligence and humans interacting with technology, or at least enough to make it easy to accept the world they're handing you. I think there will be some personal growth for Alex, and I look forward to all of that. But it's the "bigger picture" elements that interest me even more.

The Alex + Ada world is futuristic, but they're still dealing with the same types of human-disconnect issues that we are. The culture is simultaneously too comfortable with burying itself in tech, and also slightly horrified by it. I mean, is there anybody under the age of 30 not looking at their phone right now? We're into it, deep.

But we're also starting to recognize the psychic costs of that, particularly when examining the lack of empathy exhibited on forums, Twitter, Facebook. We're a torn beast, wearing a public face obsessed with sensitivity, and trigger fingers primed for action like never before. It's dissonant, and tiring, and it seems to be getting worse, not better.

The problem Alex has with Ada is that she isn't human enough for him. She's cute, but she has no agency. Ada is quite quick to tell anybody that she doesn't and can't have opinions. She laughs when Alex laughs, because Alex is laughing. It's gratifying in short bursts to have somebody cave to your needs once in awhile, but unless you're Jeff Dahmer, eventually you want to see some evidence that the other person is engaged with life.

So Alex calls Tanaka and asks if anything can be done, and of course they try to up-sell him with a couple of extra skill packs. Not what he was looking for, but another fantastic example of how Luna and Vaughn always seem to get the devilish details right.

What really struck me about that scene was when Alex asks the Tanaka rep if they are in fact human. It was subtle, but to me powerful. Because these days we don't know. We don't know if the person on the other end of the phone is really human, or a recording, or a person just running a script, which isn't really a person at all. We don't know if Manti Teo has an actual girlfriend or a fictional construction. Do we really need to see an actual politician at a press conference when we can all perfectly replicate the same old bullshit that it is going to tele-prompter out of their mouths?

The machines are getting too enticing, and we're getting altogether too machiney and disconnected, and that's the kind of thing I'm interested in. Alex + Ada is all over that stuff, but not in a sledgehammer, preachy way. Which is exceedingly rare in comics these days. Comics do so love the sledgehammer.

I don't know, I could go on and on about this book. Alex + Ada is currently three issues into its run, and I've read each of the issues multiple times. I don't do that with many comics. You can't just race through it, either, or you'll miss the subtle stuff. There's a scene where Alex and Ada are watching TV together, and news footage of the Nexaware Massacre comes on screen. There's no captioning or dialogue outside of what the newscaster is saying. Alex is just watching Ada, who is absorbing all this quietly, without expression, eating her bowl of cereal.

Tell me that wouldn't make your balls shrink straight up into their natural orifice.

There are potential trouble spots. The pages are laid out very cinematically - many of the pages feature vertical layouts of widescreen shots that vary only slightly. Sometimes to string out an awkward silence, focus on facial expressions, sometimes to cinematically spell out action points.
To me, that's not using the medium to its full advantage. If you slow down and allow yourself time to absorb the effects, they do still function. But these cinematic techniques are better suited for film.

Some may find the pacing an issue. There is an awful lot of talking in Alex + Ada, and when people aren't talking, they are often staring at each other. If you really had your hopes on the "loser bangs a robot" angle, they are certainly taking the scenic route. Not only are they not banging after three issues, they haven't had a proper snog yet.

I don't mind the talking, because I'm pulling quite a bit of story out of it. You could do an Alex + Ada book club and have plenty to talk about, because there's a lot buried in context. But some of you don't want context, so be warned. This is not robotic fetish porn. This is about people and their relationship with technology, and the nature of human intimacy.

I've been impressed by Alex + Ada, and more importantly, I've been enjoying it as a story. I don't know exactly where Luna and Vaughn are headed with this, and that's a good thing. At the end of issue three, Alex is getting into deep caverns of the Prime-net looking for somebody to (illegally) help him give Ada some sentience. This just can't end well, can it? I honestly don't know, because the creators are playing the story with a little more sophistication and a little against type... but I eagerly anticipate finding out.

If your store is not carrying this - ask. I think Alex + Ada would work very well in trade form, and some of you favor that format anyway. I'm telling you, though, if you want to see the work completed, you need to support the monthly comics. You can wait for the trade on Avengers, because that's going to sell enough copies without you to subsidize the collection. If you want Alex + Ada to live, (and I'm telling you that you really do) they need those sales NOW. Let your retailer know that you'd like this in your pull or on the shelves, so that the publisher knows there is a market for the material.

Ugly American's Bloated Halloween Part 4: Spawn the animated series!

When the Ugly American was just a hideous-looking little stunt tricyclist, he had less than zero time for traditions. Perform a prescribed action you may or may not want to do simply because you did it before??? The height of ignorance. And boredom. The young Ugly American was an innovator, not a conservator.

As my virility migrates south and my odds of developing any number of terminal illnesses starts climbing north, I become more and more interested in traditions. Maybe it's because I like the idea of setting aside time to remember things past, because someday that will be me. Maybe it's because as I get older, I'm building a greater respect for things that last. Maybe I'm just becoming a bigger, softer asshole. I don't know.

What I do know is that I have a couple of movies that I watch every Halloween. It's my version of tradition. It's not a chore, it's....comforting. It helps that both of them are outstanding films with solid replay value. Those two movies are The Crow and Trick R' Treat. I imagine the first is quite familiar to most of my readers, and the second mostly unfamiliar, and that's a shame. We'll get to both of them in the next installment of the Ugly American.

This time, I'm going to tell you about a prospective new addition to the Halloween tradition. It's horror based. It's comic bookey. But would it be good enough to make the Halloween tradition cut? Let's find out.....

Spawn: The Animated Series (1997-1999)

The animated Spawn series ran for three seasons on HBO, if you can believe it. I had vague recollections of it being a little buzzy when it first premiered. It must have garnered some interest, since it was picked up for two more seasons. But as for the episodes themselves? I couldn't remember.....anything, really.

Upon watching them again in 2013, I know why. The scientific explanation for my failure to latch onto any solid memories of this show is because it is "not good". Oh, the production quality is there, even down to the DVD packaging. The case is solid metal, you'll break your foot if you drop that case on it. The animation itself looks fantastic, albeit DARK. This was the late 1990s, when cel animation was still the norm, thankfully. Anything digital causes my brain to simply check out and leave me cold. I think the only digitally animated show I can watch and enjoy is the short-lived MTV Spider-Man series. But I'm getting off track.

So yes, the show looks good, and the show sounds good. They got Keith David to do Spawn, (you may remember him voicing Goliath on Gargoyles) and Michael McShane does a wonderful rendition of Twitch. There's nothing unprofessional about it.

I was surprised at just how spiritually dark the show is, even given the fact that HBO was unlikely to restrict them much. Al Simmons is depressing to look at, and depressing to listen to. He mostly sits by himself and moans things like "Who am I?" for no particular reason.

For sport, he sits idle while maniacs and former acquaintances murder homeless people around him. He can see it happening, and he almost always exacts some kind of vengeance when it happens. But he can never be arsed to prevent any Bum Abuse. Sometimes he abuses them himself, verbally shredding innocent people who are inexplicably interested in being friendly with Simmons.

Spawn exhibits no sympathy or empathy for anybody apart himself, his wife, and his daughter. He exhibits no interest in doing much of anything to improve his plight. Mostly he whines, moans, and kills people if they don't leave him alone. He's not an interesting or likeable character, which is a problem.

Then there's Clown. Hoo boy. At one point he snatches a picture of Wanda away from Spawn, fires his hand down his pants, and then just starts tugging. That's the kind of show we're dealing with here. And that's almost interesting, if relentlessly maudlin.

Todd McFarlane is the blessing and the curse of Spawn. No corporate entity would take the chances that he does with that IP. Masturbatory clowns? Never going to be drawn from a corporate well, but Todd is free to do what he likes, and some of that feels almost novel and fresh.

In fact, if I were to point one shining element of the series, it would be McFarlane's intros. Before each episode, a camera creeps up behind a doodling McFarlane, at which point he turns around and presents some thematic questions before advocating that you turn the lights off. There are usually skulls and potions about. It's all very spooky.

He comes off as a bit douchey and too serious about the whole thing..but you know what? He's also captivating. You learn more pertinent information about the Spawn mythology in those fleeting moments than any ten episodes of story content. He clearly has a clue about what he wants to do and what's driving his story, and he's genuinely passionate about it.

Here's the problem - somewhere along the way, Todd McFarlane got it in his head that reminding an audience they don't know things about the story is a story. And it's not. That's the opposite of a story. He still hasn't figured that out, by the way.

I guess we'll never know for sure, but if I may engage in a little story forensics, I blame the Hobgoblin frenzy of the mid-to-late 1980s. You remember the Hobgoblin craze in Amazing Spider-Man, right? I know Remy does! The Green Goblin was dead and gone, Peter had all the Osborns accounted for, so who in the world was this jacked-up asshole in the goblin glider throwing exploding pumpkins at Spider-Man? Nobody knew. For a LONG time. Spider-editor Jim Owsley (now Christopher Priest) kept the secret so well he wouldn't tell Jim Shooter. Sales rose, people were talking, and it was all over the mystery of the Hobgoblin.

Well, McFarlane comes onto ASM not long after that. He had been doing work for awhile, sure, but it definitely had to be in his brain. If you want to draw an audience, you dangle a mystery in front of them. That's what people want. That's what sells!

Unfortunately, what Todd forgot was that the Hobgoblin mystery was built on a foundation of hundreds of issues of meaty goodness, not obscure ghosts. The mystery worked because the psychological base was so juicy.

Quick impression of Gwen Stacy's spine for you:

"Snap!"

Ta-daaaa!

That's why Peter Parker and his audience cared about the Hobgoblin. There was a tangible, gripping history there. Spawn has none of that. Who is Al Simmons? I don't care. He's a mopey jerk. And a government hit man before that. Yuck.

And if I don't care about the main character, how many tons of apathy do I have toward the diabolical Jason Wynn, his missing gun shipments, and his plans for the White House? Those threads comprise about 40% of the plot, and they generate zero interest particles. I couldn't explain to you why those elements are in there.

I suppose those conspiracies connect to the main story because they put Wanda and her new beau Terry in jeopardy. But we have no idea who these people are, because Al doesn't really remember them, so who cares? Or maybe it's a cautionary lesson about government corruption?

It's hard to know what the lessons of Spawn are. I feel like somewhere deep below its nougat filling, Spawn wants you to know that there is no fate, and that you can always choose a redemptive path for yourself. You can almost sense that somewhere around chapter 2,354 Todd wants Al to find a way to break his pact with Malebolgia, disrupt the plans of hell, and then wait in heaven for Wanda and Cyan to return to him.

If that's the case, Spawn is taking a really bizarre path in getting there. Occasionally this cat named Cogliostro shows up and irritates the shit out of you. By the way, the only way you'd know the guy's name is Cogliostro is by reading the end credits, because he certainly doesn't advertise that fact. It's a mystery, so that it makes it interesting, right? (slaps palm with forehead)

Cogliostro knows everything you as the reader/viewer need to know in order to understand and care about the Spawn story. He reminds Spawn (and you) of this each time he appears, and revels in keeping all of those treasures to himself. Here's an encapsulation of an actual conversation between Spawn and Cogliostro in a dark alley:

SPAWN: Piss off, old man! I'm busy brooding!

COG: You're about to make one of the most important decisions in your life and the future of earth, and you'd better make the right choice!

SPAWN: Uhhhhh! So annoying! What are you even talking about?

COG: If I told you, it wouldn't even matter.

At that point you just kind of throw your hands up and concede defeat. That's not a narrative, it's a skeleton of a narrative so lacking in manners that it outright tells you that it will never have any meat on its bones.

Precious little of the skeleton makes sense, by the way. As the Spawn story is constructed, the Hellspawns sign a pact with Malebolgia. Apparently something about this process invariably produces amnesia, at which point Malebolgia sends them to earth so they can bitch about how non-compliant the Spawns are. What??? He doesn't remember making "the deal", why would you be surprised that he's not living up to it? And the only information you as the audience would know about "the deal" is from Todd's intro, not the story itself. All the "story" does is remind you that you don't know what happened, and neither does he. It's madness.

If you show Simmons make the deal to be the Devil's muscle in exchange for being re-united with his wife, and then watch him pop up five years later when she's already moved on, NOW you might give a crap about things. Particularly if you establish a real loving couple first. And it would help the audience invest in the character if they know more than Spawn, but are unable to help as they watch him get pummeled by forces out of his control. They might even identify with such a character.

But not this character and not this series, unfortunately. It's a lot of darkness, and child molestation, and shooting, and altogether too much interest in government insiders and conspiracies you couldn't possibly care about. But it's definitely Spawn. Is it worth watching? Ehhhh....no? I recommend viewing the Todd intros and skipping the rest.

Ugly American # 35 – The Rundown!

Because the Ugly American found nothing in the news sludge worth dissecting, (although he’s sure that will change during the upcoming San Diego Comic Con info-dump) here is some stuff he read and comments you may or may not find edifying:

Five Weapons # 5 – Image Comics
Script: Jimmie Robinson
Art: Jimmie Robinson

There is good news and bad news on this one. The good news is that this was supposed to be the final issue of a limited series, but I see a solicitation for a sixth issue. Apparently, sales have been strong enough to warrant an ongoing, and I like to see creator-owned projects succeed, particularly when the content is strong.

The bad news is that the deeper I get into the series, the weaker I find it. Five Weapons is an all-ages mystery book in which a hyper-clever protagonist uses his Encyclopedia-Brown-level observational skills to survive as an outsider in a school full of lethal weirdos.

Each of the issues ends with a cliffhanger. This issue opens with our hero completely out of ideas and facing off against the president of the gun club…completely unarmed. Now that’s a situation rich with tension, and worthy of a series finale. Unfortunately, all of that tension is resolved in the least satisfying manner possible as a Deus Ex Machina stumbles into the party with all the grace of a drunken rhinoceros.

I’m sure if I go back and reference the back issues for clues, Robinson laid groundwork for the character’s appearance. One of the strengths of Five Weapons is that Robinson always leaves clues in the text for all of Enrique’s revelations; nothing appears out of thin air. The problem is that all of that Vera stuff still ruined what should have been the biggest payoff in the series in exchange for her griping, which the reader has no way to care about.

I think the book still works on the whole, particularly for a younger crowd. Enrique is a very solid, likeable main character, and the parts where he builds relationships with his peers and battles his elders are strong. The puzzle-solving piece of the equation is really hit-and-miss, though, and the book has a little more whimsy than middle-aged Ryan is interested in. So I think I’m out. If somebody asked me to recommend a comic for a tween, though, this is what I’d give them.

Five Ghosts of Fabian Grey # 4/5 – Image Comics
Script: Frank J. Barbiere
Pencils: Chris Mooneyhan

Five Ghosts: The Haunting of Fabian Grey is the story of a pulpy Indiana Jones type, blessed/cursed with five literary ghosts after exposing himself to something called a Dreamstone. When the Ugly American exposes himself, all he gets is a stern lecture from his parole officer, not super powers. That’s bunk.

One of the problems with Five Ghosts is that you tend to get more usable information about said five ghosts from the solicitation copy or the back matter than you do from the contents of the book itself. Issue four is nice in one sense because it goes a long way toward clarifying the rules of Fabian’s affliction, while adding another cool layer – the ghosts inside of him are pissed.

It’s a nice twist that raises the stakes, and Five Ghosts # 4 is about Fabian Grey taking a journey inside of himself to make peace with his ghosts. I call that a world-class hook.

Unfortunately, the execution is lacking. Grey is forced to endure a series of tests where he must receive the approval of a particular ghost before moving on. Sherlock Holmes tests him by raising some kind of spirit-demon and chasing him through the streets of London. The supernatural would represent something the uber-rational Holmes would scoff at, not exemplify. Used correctly, that test should have shown Grey using his reason and senses to defeat the demon by proving it a fraud.

Instead, our super adventurer “defeats” the threat by running away like a scared little girl into Holmes address – 221B Baker Street. The ghost of Sherlock Holmes watches this travesty of superstition and cowardice and declares him a pass. Wha-huh??? The greatest detective in literature is comfortable that he’s found a worthy host because he remembered an address? Weak. WEAK.

On the plus side, I find Chris Mooneyhan’s pencils to be divine. I think the book is colored oddly, but I’m sure a real auteur like Monster Mike will correct me on that. This comic looks fantastic, it’s paced briskly, the designs are great, the core concepts are fertile for imaginative expansion…it just needs a little more meat on the story bones. At this point, I’m very excited to look at Five Ghosts, and not in a terrible hurry to read it.

Avengers A.I. # 1 – Marvel Comics
Script: Sam Humphries
Art: Andre Lima Araujo

The Ugly American did not read Age of Ultron, but he did smell something akin to a wet dog’s dirty diaper every time he passed it on the rack. That’s my way of saying I didn’t have high hopes for Avengers A.I., spinning directly out of AU. On the other hand…..It’s got Vision, a surly Doombot, and a Victor Mancha. It also has a $2.99 price point. All right, let’s crack her open and see what the guts look like!

The book opens with a random Atlanta hospital being bombed for absolutely no reason, and then a title page. That title page contains some awkward computery language introducing the concept of the books as such:
PYM OF THE PAST ASSISTED PYM OF THE PRESENT IN DESTORYING [sic] ULTRON. RESULT - DR. HENRY PYM IS A NEW MAN. RESULT [B] - SCAN FOR UNANTICIPATED VARIABLES
OUTCOME - THE AGE OF ULTRON IS OVER. THE AGE OF A.I. IS NOW
:EJECT [A.I. NO 1 RECAP

Yes, please do eject that clunky ass recap. Why would I want to read that book? Pym of the past helped Pym of the present, so he’s a new man….what does that even mean? The unanticipated variables are what…that it’s now the age of A.I.??? That tells me nothing, other than the fact that it sort of confirms my suspicion that Age of Ultron was a time-travel debacle best left avoided.

Well, after that warm invite we meet Monica Chang, and she’s kind of acting as an Amanda Waller for SHEILD, and she’s been assigned to create a Suicide Squad task force aimed at stopping Hank Pym’s Ultron antidote.

She brings in Pym and explains that the artificial intelligence he created has gained a form of sentience, and has a 99.98% chance of ultimately exterminating the human race. And at that point I thought to myself –

This thing is practically guaranteed to wipe out our species, and the “recap” page is telling me this book is about Hank Pym being a new man??? Talk about burying the lead! Here’s your new credits page:

IN ORDER TO PREVENT THE AGE OF ULTRON, HANK PYM CREATED AN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE WITH A 99.98% OF EXTERMINATING THE HUMAN RACE.
THIS IS THE STORY OF THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN STOP IT.

Bang! Now that’s a book I might even want to read. Hank Pym is a new man…don’t make me yawn. Marketing aside, at least they’ve given the book a purpose and a focus. Most of what the Big 2 put out can be encapsulated as “the superhero adventures of X”. Avengers A.I. knows what it’s about, and has a prime force to move the plot along. Very nicely constructed.

The characters are all distinct, and Humphries has clearly thought about his approach to each. Not sure how fresh or deep they are, but he’s clearly thought about it. Pym is sort of an arrogant, excitable goofball, and bears no resemblance at all to the cat who was an instructor at Avengers Academy. (they did warn me he was a new man, I guess) Victor Mancha is having identity issues, which is made evident by the fact that he changes his code name to something more absurd about every six panels, just in case you forgot. Vision has levelled up after curling up into the fetal position near the sun for a while. And the Doombot hates everybody, and is not shy about sharing that fact. If he didn’t have a charge in his head ready to deploy a mini-black hole, he would certainly kill us all.

It’s basically the bit that Warren Ellis ran with Aaron Stack in Nextwave, only less subtle. If that’s even possible. Honestly, why isn’t Warren Ellis writing this book? He was born to do it. I don’t know, Avengers A.I. is perfectly competent, and maintains a surprisingly light, fun tone for a book about a bunch of people who don’t like each other basically forced to work together against their will to stop an extinction level threat.

I can definitely imagine a possible audience for this. I’m just not it.

:EJECT [UGLY AMERICAN] --- AVENGERS A.I.

Other Stuff
All of that seemed a bit disappointing, so I thought I’d talk briefly about a comic I really adored – Hawkeye # 11. It’s a story told entirely from Pizza Dog’s perspective, so there’s almost no verbiage. Just a few key words that a dog might focus on.

It would be very easy for something like this to get a little too cute and waste all that story space basking in its own self-indulgence. My take was that it was a wonderful departure from the standard reading experience, and I think I got more out of that story trying to decipher Aja’s symbols, not less.

Hawkeye # 11 is a noir detective story where the hard-boiled dick is a dog missing an eye, and the femme fatale is literally a bitch. Without words to shorthand for you, it takes some time to parse what the symbols mean and whether they represent a scent, a sound, or a memory. The end result is that this “silent” issue actually takes more time to absorb then most text heavy books, with the possible exception of Turf # 1. It’s got action, drama, broken hearts, and a major turning point in the Clint/Kate relationship.

Wonderful, wonderful stuff as usual from Fraction and Aja. Hawkeye is pretty close to perfect. There’s more vitality in one issue of Hawkeye than in 2/3 of DCs publishing slate put together. That’s because they haven’t outlawed fun and creativity at Marvel. If you look at the numbers, turns out that’s actually a good business decision. Didio….Johns….Lee….is this thing on? Can you hear me?

And then there’s Lazarus. Oh, Lazarus. I’m running long here, so I’m definitely not attacking it this week. Maybe just better to leave that one alone entirely. But I may not be able to help myself…tune in next week to find out!

Ugly American # 16: Let’s Talk Todd!

I wanted to talk about Todd, The Ugliest Kid on Earth this week, because it’s really quite special and I don’t think enough people are aware of that. If you want to hear the author talk about the concept, I highly recommend you download Where Monsters Dwell # 228. Ken Kristensen will tell you all about Todd & his origins, and at the back end of the interview shares one of the greatest anecdotes in WMD history. It’s about Giant Size X-Men # 1 and his virginity, and I won’t spoil the rest. Plus, Remy refers to Ken as “Todd” twice in the span of sixty seconds. Priceless.

For those who don’t have the time or inclination to spin that episode right now, I’ll give you the textual gist of the tale here. Todd Belluomo is a hideously ugly young lad with parents so dysfunctional, he’s forced to wear a bag on his head. In fact, everyone in Todd’s life is dysfunctional. In the midst of cruel teachers and classmates, inept parents, and homicidal neighbors Todd never loses his inexhaustible hope and enthusiasm for life. That’s the bit.

It’s a really daring and funny comic, loaded with biting satire, and it operates in a manner I’ve never seen before – I’m going to call it an Inverted Picaresque.

The Spaniards fell in love with the Picaresque genre around the 17th century. It worked thusly – you introduce a cad and a scoundrel into corrupt high society, and let the hijinks ensue. The Pico is not strictly evil, but he definitely doesn’t abide by the social mores. It’s all social commentary, and as the Pico stumbles across different facets of society, the reader is intended to learn the lessons that the rascal never does. Deadpool is kind of a modern equivalent to the tradition, now that I think about it.

What’s most poignant about Todd, The Ugliest Kid on Earth is that Kristensen is making the case that in the 21st Century, depraved thinking is no longer aberrant thinking. In this comic, the Pico is a truly good person treating people with kindness and holding hope. The world is so far gone that the only way to really be an outlaw is to avoid being a narcissistic asshole. And you know what? He’s got a point.

One of the things I’m enjoying most about Todd is that it takes all comers. Most comics these days operate as liberal propaganda manuals. There are shots at The Right in Todd, to be sure. Todd’s father is the vehicle for most of that, an empty bag of boasting who got some Marine ink done after 9/11, even though he never served a day.

Kristensen takes a stab or two in the other direction as well. I noticed a bit in issue # 2 when the prison mail arrives, and the inmate opines that these letters are from “enablers”, calling out progressive coddling of degenerates better served by a boot in the ass.

Mostly, though, TTUKOE is interested in how self-centered we’ve become. Todd’s new neighbor Kim is Korean, but nobody absorbs that but Todd. The neighborhood bully and Todd’s mother just assume she’s Japanese, because they aren’t listening and don’t care. Todd’s mother forgets to bail her son out of jail while she barhops and picks up men. Chief Hargrave refuses to listen to evidence that Todd isn’t the killer, because it’s interfering with his fantasies of TV shows. When reporters ask starlet Belinda Fairchild about Scientology’s role in her Hollywood success, she thanks them for asking about her childhood dyslexia. Nobody listens, nobody spends a jot of energy considering another, it’s just me, me, me. Todd knows everybody’s name, though. Todd wants to reach out and be friends with everybody, and he never judges…even when he should.

I wasn’t sure what to make of Todd after the first issue, but after the second I pretty much fell in love with Todd for a couple of reasons. The schtick of the book is that an endless stream of horrible and unfair things happen to the only innocent person in the story. It feels awful, really, but I find that because he’s so adorable, I find that I’m more emotionally invested in Todd Belluomo than I am in characters I’ve been reading for twenty years. He’s just an incredibly vulnerable person, and kind of unique in the current comics landscape dominated by hyper-skilled, take-no-shit types.

The other thing that struck me after finishing the second issue is the fact that Todd is not defined as a victim. I’m so, so tired of victims. Over in Green Lantern, Simon Baz steals a truck loaded with explosives and accidentally bombs a building, and then I’m supposed to cry tears because the authorities want to investigate? Listen, when the Muslim guy with the stolen vehicle makes the building explode, it’s not racist to wonder if terrorism might be in play. It’s called inductive reasoning, and more people ought to check into it. I suppose if you find a lump in your breast, going to the doctor would be lumpist, so you better not. That’s bigotry. That could be a cyst or scar tissue, you don’t know. Only an asshole would assume malignant tumor, and hey, it’s only life and death. So let’s make the government look like pricks for having the audacity to presume that the Muslim with the stolen truck filled with explosives that erased a building might be a problem. [Sigh. Space brothers? Are you out there to come get me? PLEASE?] But I’m digressing.

My point is that if anybody in comics has earned the right to play the victim, it’s Todd, and he refuses. No matter how poorly the world treats him, he approaches it with undaunted hope and kindness. No moping or crying from Todd, and the outlook that makes him “weak” also saves him.

In issue # 2, Todd gets involved in a prison soap-dropping incident. This can’t end well. But since Todd is focused on other people, he notices that the guy who’s about to assault him has a Marine tattoo, just like his deadbeat old man. That sparks a conversation and friendship. Todd wins. Sort of. That friendship appears likely to cause more horrible things to happen next issue. But that’s the book.

Todd, The Ugliest Kid on Earth has a lot of Mad Magazine in it – it’s fun, and it’s smart. If all my talk of stuffy social commentary seems off putting to you, don’t worry; the book is peppered with plenty of “sticky crotch” jokes, talking frogs, and singing flies. The whole thing is absurd, and completely Chronic approved.

I’m not qualified to talk about M.K. Perker’s art other than to say that I enjoy it, and recognize that it’s an entirely different approach from what he put down in Air. I also think it’s an interesting twist that Perker’s name appears first in the credits, both on the cover and the title page. It doesn’t really matter, I guess, but I can’t think of another comic that presents the artist first. If you listen to the WMD interview with Kristensen, you can hear the worship in his voice about Perker’s talents. That might have something to do with it.

Bottom line on TTUKOE is that it’s a unique beast in the comic book kingdom and worthy of your attention. It kinda functions as the Mark Twain of comics right now, and I’m really impressed with its ingenuity and balls. First two issues out of four are already on the stands – go get them, already, or face the wrath of Danny Trejo!

As always, your comments are welcome, so please leave them below.

UPDATE: This just came in via Twitter: