Ugly American Bloated Halloween finale: The Classics!

The Spawn animated series didn't quite work out, but there are a couple of Halloween classics I can always count on, and watch every year.

The Crow (1994)

Of course The Crow began as a comic book, or as the closing credits declare...a "comic book series and comic strip by James O'Barr". The comic book series I get, but comic strip? I certainly don't recall that in the Sunday funny pages. It would have been a sharp (and welcome) contrast to Family Circus, that's for sure. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think that ever happened. I'm digressing already, but just as an aside, if you're reading this you should definitely go back to the WMD archives and spin # 239 with the James O'Barr interview. It's worth it.

I imagine most of you reading this need no introduction to The Crow, but some of you might, and the good news is that the story is very simple to grasp. Eric Draven and Shelly Webster are to be married on Halloween, but are murdered the night before by a quartet of street thugs. A crow brings his soul back a year later to seek revenge.

That's it. Keep it simple, stupid! I wish more storytellers knew to do that. You keep the core concept simple, and then the devil is in the details. The Crow separates itself because so many of the details are handled with exemplary skill.

Alex Proyas chose to go oppresively dark with the picture, punctuated by bright strobe effects, and glaring reds. Some of the human elements are lit, but when Eric Draven is on screen, the film is practically in black-and-white, with the notable exception of wonderfully odd scene between Brandon Lee and Ernie Hudson. That's the scene that produces the "nothing is trivial" line that you'll remember forever. That's another strong element - The Crow is imminently quotable.

It's been a while since I've visited the source material, but I think many of the best lines were contributed by the screen writers, which is not a criticism of O'Barr, but a surprising compliment to the film team. So often a comic property is stripped of its essence because a film-maker doesn't understand what makes the property go. You just have to shake your head when a studio opens up Juggernaut's helmet so you can see his face, or when they hire gifted smart-ass Ryan Reynolds to play a character (Deadpool) defined by his mouth, and then physically remove it.

The Crow movie gets it right because it clearly understood that this was a vengeance story...about love. If you read the original comics or listen to J O'Barr talk about that story with your ears open, you'll know that it isn't Death Wish or Dirty Harry. The revenge element is there to be sure, and also celebrated. The Crow doesn't actually take pleasure in killing, but neither is it just a mechanical duty. There's a showmanship to it, and symbolism. If you're paying attention, Eric kills them all ironically. Tin-tin dies by the sword, Fun Boy with drugs, T-Bird by fire, (and then The Crow signs it with his own fiery bird) and he kills Skank in the manner he himself was killed.

My roundabout point is that I won't deny that this is a revenge movie, but that's not where it's heart is. It's a vengeance story catalyzed by love lost, and consistently showing a better way. The world is dark, and connection is the way out. Love your fiance, mentor the little girl who was orphaned by a tragic murder, remember what it means to be a responsible to your daughter. The Crow is not a horror or adventure tale....it's a love story.

I've watched the movie many times, and every time there are points when I sort of leave the story space and think "Brandon Lee died making this movie....what a loss that is." There are moments when you can catch him in the act of trying, and not all of his choices work. The Crow is filled with strong emotional beats across the spectrum, beats that are very easy to turn cartoony and excessive. Brandon Lee takes a lot of chances with his performance and nails most of them. There was nothing in say..."Rapid Fire" that suggested he was interested in or capable of the depth on display in The Crow.

Toward the end of the movie when Eric storms Top Dollar's tower looking for Skank, the police bust in, point their guns and tell him to freeze. Lee's choice was to hold his hands up, then prance to the window like he's Michigan J Bullfrog and crashes through. It's a surprise laugh that completely cuts through all expectations, and you're telling me that's in the script? There's no way. Brandon Lee did that, and it's inspired.

I watch this every year around Halloween, (usually on "Devil's Night, the night before) and I always pick up new things. This time I may or may not have picked up on a piece of the Crow Mythos.

After Draven dispatched with Skank...the mission is over. He goes back to Shelly's grave, and is about to disappear or crumble to dust, or do whatever it is Crow's do when the vengeance is done. He pulls his hand back from Shelly's grave because Top Dollar has captured Sarah and he hears her scream.

When Eric gets to the church with Albrecht, Tony Todd shoots Draven's crow avatar, and he suddenly becomes vulnerable. We think those things are connected, because Bai Ling's character says so. But really, how the hell would she know that? Just because you sniff incense off roasted eyeballs doesn't make you an expert on ghostly vengeance. This is a character with such a fantastic grasp of the situation that she allows her own eyeballs to be plucked out of her head by a now extraordinarily pissed off magical crow.

Why would wounding the crow affect Draven's healing abilities? If that crow sprains his ankle, then he has to wait until it comes off the injured reserve to continue the mission? It doesn't make sense.

I'm not convinced that it matters a lot in the grand scheme of things, but I think Eric Draven lost his magical abilities because he went off-mission. Sarah was not part of the plan. He had supernatural sanction to go after the men who directly raped and murdered Shelly and killed him, but after that...no dice. I think he was vulnerable when he went into that church whether Tony Todd clipped his bird or not.

It still fits the story mechanics perfectly, because the theme is that you don't turn your back on love, even if it's not part of your undead itinerary. The move is to help Sarah, which he does. He even gets one last mystical gift (even with a wounded crow) that forces empathy on Top Dollar, who ordinarily receives pleasure from other's pain. This time he uploads 30 hours of Shelly's suffering into Top Dollar, who is then defeated.

Anywho. Not a big deal, but that's my theory now after watching The Crow for about the 37th time.

Trick R' Treat (2007)

I love The Crow, but this is now my Grand Champion of Halloween movies. When Trick R' Treat initially launched, I saw the promo pieces featuring a creepy little guy with a burlap sack on his head and outright dismissed it. No matter how good the look was, and Sam does have a good look, (especially with the mask off) I was simply not interested in a mindless creature feature where a spooky cipher randomly stalks and kills. I've seen that movie a gajillion times. No more, please.

Trick R' Treat is not that movie.

There is nothing mindless, random, or cliched about Trick R' Treat, and it isn't actually about Sam. It's about Samhain, the origin of Halloween. It's about acknowledging and understanding the past so that you can act correctly in the present. It's about respecting the darkness, not becoming it. It's about paying homage to tradition, and coming to a correct understanding about one's place in the world, in order to make that world a better place.

Now, before you check out on me, please do understand that we learn all these lessons via werewolves, ghost children, and disturbing little Sam. And when you aren't being bombarded with the spectral forces of darkness, there are also very real sexual predators, child predators, crotchety old men, and grade school bullies to contend with. In other words - fun!
Trick R' Treat is actually four stories that end up overlapping and interlocking with each other as the movie progresses. It has a clear point of view and it is absolutely dedicated to subverting your expectations.

Michael Dougherty is the writer and director of the movie. He has writing credits on X2: X-Men United and Superman Returns, so he's got a bit of a comic book background. There's even a Trick R' Treat comic by Mark Andreyko and Mike Huddleston. He's clearly seen and adores all the same horror movies I have. He knows them all, and knows how to remind you of them...and then the rug comes out from under you, every time.

I very much envy those of you who haven't seen this film yet, and can have that initial experience of surprise again and again. I'm not going to spoil anything with plot analysis, because I want you all to maintain that surprise.

I didn't see the film until 2011, and only watched it as an accident the first time. It was just on in the background, in the middle of the picture. I was hooked inside of five minutes, and then by the end when I started piecing together how the stories were cascading into each other, I decided I must find this and watch it front to back. I hit the guide button to see what hidden little masterpiece I was watching, and when the grid said "Trick R' Treat", I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. How could I have been so wrong about this, and why hasn't anybody told me this was so good!

The most compelling element of the movie is its internal logic. Trick R' Treat has its own set of rules based upon its theme of respecting tradition, and it follows them religiously. Everything that is mindless, and dull, and played-out about most horror movies becomes instantly fresh in this movie because it all happens for a reason.

Somebody could write a very worthwhile term paper dissecting where these characters transgress, and whether the punishments are just or not. It's that rarest of movies that can be enjoyed by a variety of people at a multitude of levels. There is ethical pondering and philosophy about the human condition available if you want that kind of thing. There's horror and violence in moderate amounts for those in the market for that. And there's also Anna Paquin and a bunch of her co-ed friends prancing about in really hot halloween costumes for those who go in for that.
And Bryan Cox. There's definitely Bryan Cox...who doesn't like him?

Trick R' Treat is not just a great Halloween movie, it's one of my top five favorite movies ever. Highest possible recommendation as something to pop in and watch on Halloween.

Ugly American's Bloated Halloween Part 4: Spawn the animated series!

When the Ugly American was just a hideous-looking little stunt tricyclist, he had less than zero time for traditions. Perform a prescribed action you may or may not want to do simply because you did it before??? The height of ignorance. And boredom. The young Ugly American was an innovator, not a conservator.

As my virility migrates south and my odds of developing any number of terminal illnesses starts climbing north, I become more and more interested in traditions. Maybe it's because I like the idea of setting aside time to remember things past, because someday that will be me. Maybe it's because as I get older, I'm building a greater respect for things that last. Maybe I'm just becoming a bigger, softer asshole. I don't know.

What I do know is that I have a couple of movies that I watch every Halloween. It's my version of tradition. It's not a chore, it's....comforting. It helps that both of them are outstanding films with solid replay value. Those two movies are The Crow and Trick R' Treat. I imagine the first is quite familiar to most of my readers, and the second mostly unfamiliar, and that's a shame. We'll get to both of them in the next installment of the Ugly American.

This time, I'm going to tell you about a prospective new addition to the Halloween tradition. It's horror based. It's comic bookey. But would it be good enough to make the Halloween tradition cut? Let's find out.....

Spawn: The Animated Series (1997-1999)

The animated Spawn series ran for three seasons on HBO, if you can believe it. I had vague recollections of it being a little buzzy when it first premiered. It must have garnered some interest, since it was picked up for two more seasons. But as for the episodes themselves? I couldn't remember.....anything, really.

Upon watching them again in 2013, I know why. The scientific explanation for my failure to latch onto any solid memories of this show is because it is "not good". Oh, the production quality is there, even down to the DVD packaging. The case is solid metal, you'll break your foot if you drop that case on it. The animation itself looks fantastic, albeit DARK. This was the late 1990s, when cel animation was still the norm, thankfully. Anything digital causes my brain to simply check out and leave me cold. I think the only digitally animated show I can watch and enjoy is the short-lived MTV Spider-Man series. But I'm getting off track.

So yes, the show looks good, and the show sounds good. They got Keith David to do Spawn, (you may remember him voicing Goliath on Gargoyles) and Michael McShane does a wonderful rendition of Twitch. There's nothing unprofessional about it.

I was surprised at just how spiritually dark the show is, even given the fact that HBO was unlikely to restrict them much. Al Simmons is depressing to look at, and depressing to listen to. He mostly sits by himself and moans things like "Who am I?" for no particular reason.

For sport, he sits idle while maniacs and former acquaintances murder homeless people around him. He can see it happening, and he almost always exacts some kind of vengeance when it happens. But he can never be arsed to prevent any Bum Abuse. Sometimes he abuses them himself, verbally shredding innocent people who are inexplicably interested in being friendly with Simmons.

Spawn exhibits no sympathy or empathy for anybody apart himself, his wife, and his daughter. He exhibits no interest in doing much of anything to improve his plight. Mostly he whines, moans, and kills people if they don't leave him alone. He's not an interesting or likeable character, which is a problem.

Then there's Clown. Hoo boy. At one point he snatches a picture of Wanda away from Spawn, fires his hand down his pants, and then just starts tugging. That's the kind of show we're dealing with here. And that's almost interesting, if relentlessly maudlin.

Todd McFarlane is the blessing and the curse of Spawn. No corporate entity would take the chances that he does with that IP. Masturbatory clowns? Never going to be drawn from a corporate well, but Todd is free to do what he likes, and some of that feels almost novel and fresh.

In fact, if I were to point one shining element of the series, it would be McFarlane's intros. Before each episode, a camera creeps up behind a doodling McFarlane, at which point he turns around and presents some thematic questions before advocating that you turn the lights off. There are usually skulls and potions about. It's all very spooky.

He comes off as a bit douchey and too serious about the whole thing..but you know what? He's also captivating. You learn more pertinent information about the Spawn mythology in those fleeting moments than any ten episodes of story content. He clearly has a clue about what he wants to do and what's driving his story, and he's genuinely passionate about it.

Here's the problem - somewhere along the way, Todd McFarlane got it in his head that reminding an audience they don't know things about the story is a story. And it's not. That's the opposite of a story. He still hasn't figured that out, by the way.

I guess we'll never know for sure, but if I may engage in a little story forensics, I blame the Hobgoblin frenzy of the mid-to-late 1980s. You remember the Hobgoblin craze in Amazing Spider-Man, right? I know Remy does! The Green Goblin was dead and gone, Peter had all the Osborns accounted for, so who in the world was this jacked-up asshole in the goblin glider throwing exploding pumpkins at Spider-Man? Nobody knew. For a LONG time. Spider-editor Jim Owsley (now Christopher Priest) kept the secret so well he wouldn't tell Jim Shooter. Sales rose, people were talking, and it was all over the mystery of the Hobgoblin.

Well, McFarlane comes onto ASM not long after that. He had been doing work for awhile, sure, but it definitely had to be in his brain. If you want to draw an audience, you dangle a mystery in front of them. That's what people want. That's what sells!

Unfortunately, what Todd forgot was that the Hobgoblin mystery was built on a foundation of hundreds of issues of meaty goodness, not obscure ghosts. The mystery worked because the psychological base was so juicy.

Quick impression of Gwen Stacy's spine for you:

"Snap!"

Ta-daaaa!

That's why Peter Parker and his audience cared about the Hobgoblin. There was a tangible, gripping history there. Spawn has none of that. Who is Al Simmons? I don't care. He's a mopey jerk. And a government hit man before that. Yuck.

And if I don't care about the main character, how many tons of apathy do I have toward the diabolical Jason Wynn, his missing gun shipments, and his plans for the White House? Those threads comprise about 40% of the plot, and they generate zero interest particles. I couldn't explain to you why those elements are in there.

I suppose those conspiracies connect to the main story because they put Wanda and her new beau Terry in jeopardy. But we have no idea who these people are, because Al doesn't really remember them, so who cares? Or maybe it's a cautionary lesson about government corruption?

It's hard to know what the lessons of Spawn are. I feel like somewhere deep below its nougat filling, Spawn wants you to know that there is no fate, and that you can always choose a redemptive path for yourself. You can almost sense that somewhere around chapter 2,354 Todd wants Al to find a way to break his pact with Malebolgia, disrupt the plans of hell, and then wait in heaven for Wanda and Cyan to return to him.

If that's the case, Spawn is taking a really bizarre path in getting there. Occasionally this cat named Cogliostro shows up and irritates the shit out of you. By the way, the only way you'd know the guy's name is Cogliostro is by reading the end credits, because he certainly doesn't advertise that fact. It's a mystery, so that it makes it interesting, right? (slaps palm with forehead)

Cogliostro knows everything you as the reader/viewer need to know in order to understand and care about the Spawn story. He reminds Spawn (and you) of this each time he appears, and revels in keeping all of those treasures to himself. Here's an encapsulation of an actual conversation between Spawn and Cogliostro in a dark alley:

SPAWN: Piss off, old man! I'm busy brooding!

COG: You're about to make one of the most important decisions in your life and the future of earth, and you'd better make the right choice!

SPAWN: Uhhhhh! So annoying! What are you even talking about?

COG: If I told you, it wouldn't even matter.

At that point you just kind of throw your hands up and concede defeat. That's not a narrative, it's a skeleton of a narrative so lacking in manners that it outright tells you that it will never have any meat on its bones.

Precious little of the skeleton makes sense, by the way. As the Spawn story is constructed, the Hellspawns sign a pact with Malebolgia. Apparently something about this process invariably produces amnesia, at which point Malebolgia sends them to earth so they can bitch about how non-compliant the Spawns are. What??? He doesn't remember making "the deal", why would you be surprised that he's not living up to it? And the only information you as the audience would know about "the deal" is from Todd's intro, not the story itself. All the "story" does is remind you that you don't know what happened, and neither does he. It's madness.

If you show Simmons make the deal to be the Devil's muscle in exchange for being re-united with his wife, and then watch him pop up five years later when she's already moved on, NOW you might give a crap about things. Particularly if you establish a real loving couple first. And it would help the audience invest in the character if they know more than Spawn, but are unable to help as they watch him get pummeled by forces out of his control. They might even identify with such a character.

But not this character and not this series, unfortunately. It's a lot of darkness, and child molestation, and shooting, and altogether too much interest in government insiders and conspiracies you couldn't possibly care about. But it's definitely Spawn. Is it worth watching? Ehhhh....no? I recommend viewing the Todd intros and skipping the rest.